Are we in a gay sports bar?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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