i would punch a child for taco bell
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
cat food counts as protein by the way
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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