god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
