Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
