Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need to get me chipped asap
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
