It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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