:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
