hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
