I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
