what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
soo... how was my night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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