My nipple is on Facebook.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
