my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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