dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
