Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
