why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
