You just made me feel so damn special
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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