Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
