I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
