Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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