I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
