youre lurking in front of me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
