so explain again why im purple
no
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
