Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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