I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
