I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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