Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
