At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
