Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
