You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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