it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
