When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
