Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
