one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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