Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
