DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
