Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it glows. i had to have it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
