I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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