based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
