Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
