Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
