Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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