is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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