i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
