I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
