Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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