Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
