dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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