Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
