Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
