We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
